The fact I keep working at low-paying, metrics-based jobs is that I have this need to prove I’m doing my job. Perhaps I’m concerned the employer won’t recognize my work otherwise, or perhaps I need to prove how much I’ve worked to myself. Or, maybe I’m attached to the school version of work being graded (i.e. monitored). I don’t know why for sure, but there’s a need “to prove” for some reason. I had this revelation while putting my latest puzzle together.

I submitted a few job applications earlier in the day and saw many jobs paid around $60k-$70k per year or $18 per hour. One or the other, not much in between. I have the  degree for the higher paying job, but not necessarily the experience, which leads me to these lower-paying jobs that in the end don’t serve me. These jobs, usually temp-to-hire, are for the benefit of the employer only. My last two jobs were like that. Work like a slave, no insurance or benefits, then get hired on. By then, you’re basically starting over because all the work you just did doesn’t matter when it comes time for performance reviews or raises. It’s disheartening to know you do a great job, get great feedback, have an awesome performance review, then get a 25 cent raise…a year and a half after you started.

I’m open to learning new skills. I’m certainly open to working for myself even though I don’t have a clear vision of what that entails or what that looks like. I’m hoping something will pan out soon.